So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
