Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize