I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
