Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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