last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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