took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
