he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize
