Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize