Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
