i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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