the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize