I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
