Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
