he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize