I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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