I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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