dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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