Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
