i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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