dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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