My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
