i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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