Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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