i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
