i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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