how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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