My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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