She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
