"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
