i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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