He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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