I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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