went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
