Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
