I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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