I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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