if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
