If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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