My brain says no but my pants say off.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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