so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
COCAINE IS GR8
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize