I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
