physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
