was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
