Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
