you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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