idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize