You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
