Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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