Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
