So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
