You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
