I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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