Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
