this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Randomize
