if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
