I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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