Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
