He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
