that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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