ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're like the curious george of whores
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
