Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Alive.
So much puke
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
