Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
