By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
As shirtless as possible
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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