The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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