God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
