If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
