he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
