I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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