They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize