I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
