So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
