dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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