I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dignity is for republicans.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
