Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize