I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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