So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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