Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize