I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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