Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So here I am, sexting at work.
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