Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
