Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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