All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
