is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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