No subtext here. People are naked.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
