im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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