using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
