maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My life is pants optional.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
