East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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