This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
