I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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