you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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