Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
