Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
