He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
